How I Got Here- My Night With The Lord

I am going to be upfront and honest.  I am not going to beat around the bush and waste time getting to the point of this blog.  This blog is about my healing journey through abortion.  My abortion is the single most hurtful, deepest, darkest part of my past; and I want to share with you how God lovingly brought me out of the darkness that bound me for so many years.  How did I get to this point where now I am blogging about it? You might ask.

Well, it all started October 24, 2013.  I was having some thoughts that I was struggling with and I knew I needed a touch from the King; King Jesus that is.  He had been faithful in the past and I knew when I went down that destructive path, I needed Him and only Him.  That was the only productive choice; and to be honest, I got to a point in my thought pattern that I was desperately running to Him.  After all, he is my creator and the healer of my soul.  I decided that I needed some time in prayer.  I kept feeling this urging though to bring my Bible study book that I am currently doing.  Its called, Becoming More Than A Good Bible Study Girl by Lysa TerKeurst.  I thought It was weird to take my Bible study with me; after all I was seeking God not Lysa.  It just seemed like it should be our time- God and I.  But I was obedient. I took my book, my Bible (it only seemed right since I was taking my book with me) and my heart.  I peeked in on my babies who were sound asleep and off I went. 

 

I went to what I like to call "my prayer closet."  Sounds super spiritual, huh?  Its not really; its my guest bedroom filled with a bunch of old furniture.  Not that I don't love old furniture, but lets be real, that's what it is.  Anyhow, I got on my face and started to pray.  I wont tell you everything that happened during my time with the Lord that night because I am going to let it unravel like any good story, but lets just say it was totally life transforming and amazing.  This was like my very own modern day version of Jesus taking Peter, James, and John the brother of James high up on the mountain by themselves.  When they came down I am sure the glory of God was all over them, they were changed, and they had a new understanding of who Jesus is.  That is what I would liken my experience too.  I obviously did not see Moses or Elijah or Jesus in a literal sense.  But I definitely met with Jesus, His glory was all over me, I was changed, and I had a new understanding of who Jesus is.  

 

I prayed for some time and then I decided it was time to read my study- the next chapter of the book. So I opened the chapter titled "Learning to Simply Like Me".  In the chapter she begins to talk about how she had an abortion and how it affected her.  There was a lot in the chapter that resonated with me and then I read, "Never did I hear another Christian woman share this as part of her testimony or anyone speak of the hope and grace Jesus provides to those of us who were suffering from making that decision."1  I thought to myself, "she's right."  I kept reading.  Then I read, "There are women in your sphere of influence who need to hear your story."1  The words jumped out at me and it was if God himself was speaking that to me.  It sounds a teensy bit crazy, I know, but its the truth.  Then I turned the page and it happened again.  I read, "Not only will you see God bring good from your past mistakes, but you will see another layer of your life purpose unfolding."1  That was another one of those sentences that seemed to jump off the page at me and it was like God himself was speaking it to me.  I can't totally describe it, but I know it was the voice of the Holy Spirit.  Just so you don't call the loony bin, it wasn't an audible voice I heard, but I knew it was from God.  I spent some more time in prayer; I mean how could I not after that? God put a scripture on my heart so I looked it up in my Bible.

 

Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles. Isaiah 40:31

 

Boy, was I soaring with God!!!  I decide its getting late and it's time for bed.  I had a special treat the next morning that I am going to wait to share with you till later. I think it will just make a lot more sense once you hear the rest of my story.  My alarm clock eventually goes off the next day and this is what was playing.  I knew it was the hand of God in my life.  It wasn't just a coincidence!

 

 

It is such a celebratory song!  It stuck with me.  I looked it up on YouTube and discovered that's its called, "Brave" by Sara Bareilles. It encouraged me so much that I played it several times throughout the day.  I cant say that I knew the song before that morning, but I certainly do now!  On a side note: that guy in the office can really move!  My favorite part of the song is when she says "SHOW ME HOW BIG YOUR BRAVE IS."2  It's like she's daring me and encouraging me all at the same time.  Well, apparently God was encouraging me for what was coming next. 

 

I like to journal significant things that God does in my life; dreams that I feel He gives me, or things I feel Him speaking to me.  So this night would definitely go down in my history books!  I start writing everything down.  I get to the part about the song and my treat that I am waiting to share and I think to myself, "I wish I had a way to document this better; where I could somehow add those things."  My next thought is, "I could make a blog." At this time, I'm thinking more like a private one.  Then I thought about what God told me the night before, about women in my sphere of influence who need to hear my story, and I thought, "Wow God! That would really broaden my sphere of influence!"  I prayed about it and this is definitely what I feel the Lord leading me to do.  Apparently this is, "How big my brave is."  Really, its not about me at all, its all about God and bringing Him glory. He is my portion.  He is all I need.

 

You might ask, Why Nicole?  Why would you want to share this with the world?  And I would answer, "Its really quite simple: When you experience the healing work of Christ in your life like I have you just can't help but tell people."  He has been so good and so gracious to me.  He rains grace on me like I never could have imagined.  He has showered me with grace.  I feel so loved by Him.  But the truth is, I am not special in this.  The same grace that has been extended to me is available to you, if you will seek Him.

 

My goals in telling my story are threefold:

• To bring awareness about the devastating effects of abortion;
• To help women who have had an abortion; and
• To bring glory to God for the amazing work He's done in my life.

I hope you'll join me on this journey.................................................................................................

 

 

 1. Lysa TerKeurst, Becoming More Than A Good Bible Study Girl (Grand Rapids, Mich,: Zondervan, 2009), 168, 169, 170

 2. Sara Bareilles. "Brave." The Blessed Unrest (2013)