Overcoming Fear

Fast forward a few years, my daughter was almost 3 at the time.  We were (and still are) members at Faithbridge, and I had been praying for God to show me where He wanted me to serve.  We served fervently for years in our past churches, and then we had a period of what felt like sitting on the bench.  My daughter was a little bit older, and I felt like it was time to get off the bench and serve again.  I belonged to a moms group at Faithbridge, and it was our first meeting of the year.  There was a guest speaker, Stacey Vollands, and her message was about cleaning out your junk drawer.  She used the metaphor of a junk drawer to illustrate, the junk drawer of your life.  You keep cramming things into it, there's disorder, there's little pieces of your life- some good, some bad, all crammed into it.  The drawer may even be broken and needing repair.  One thing she said was, "We need to recognize what's broken and be intentional about healing in our lives."  She also used the metaphor of a root.  She said, "Let your roots grow down into him and draw up nourishment from him."   She referenced:

Colossians 2:7 (NLT) Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.

 And Ephesians 3:17-19,  Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. ¹⁸ And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. ¹⁹ May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.

She said to, "Ask Him to pull up the bad roots and fix what's broken."  She also said, "We need to allow Jesus to speak into our brokenness."  She used Psalm 147:3 to speak more about that.

Psalm 147:3 (NIV) He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Next she said, "We need to have faith and we need to forgive.  We need community and we need to share his love with others."1  Her message spoke to me, but at the time I didn't realize just how timely it was.  You see, I was in need of recognizing my brokenness and being intentional about healing.  I needed to allow Jesus to speak into my brokenness.  I needed to have faith and forgive.  I needed community and to share His love with others.  At that time, I wasn't really sure what that looked like or how to go about doing that.  But God knew what that looked like for me and he lovingly directed my path. He was about to guide me to a place where all that would be possible.

After she finished speaking, a representative from Care Net  Pregnancy Center of Northwest Houston came and told us how they had just moved into a new building and they needed more volunteers.  I immediately felt like that was an answer to my prayers, of me asking God where he wanted me to serve.  I went to Care Net that day and signed up for volunteer training.  I toured the facilities and I could feel the presence of the Holy Spirit very strongly.  I especially felt His presence when we stood outside where they do ultrasounds for people who are undecided about a pregnancy.  I knew that would have impacted me and could have prevented me from having an abortion.  I was certain that Care Net was right where God wanted me.  I had hope that God was guiding me and that it was going to be good.  I was excited at the possibilities of how He might use me there.  I later went to volunteer training.  There were parts of the training that I enjoyed, and there were parts of training that were difficult for me because of my abortion.  Almost every night after I left the training, I would cry in my car all the way home.  Some nights, I stayed in my car a little while longer because I needed more time alone.  Time to process how I was feeling and time to talk to God about it.  I didn't really understand what He was doing because the way I was feeling, but I trusted Him and I knew it was for my best.  A little bit later, I found out about a Bible study that they offer for women who have had an abortion; and I bravely signed up and committed to doing the study.  I will say, it takes a lot of courage to seek help after an abortion.  Like a lot of women that have had an abortion, I just tried to deal with it on my own.   There was a part of me that felt like, I had already asked for forgiveness from God, so I didn't really need the study.  There was also a part of me that was prideful and didn't want to admit that I needed help.  There was also apart of me that was afraid.  I was afraid of what people would think of me.  I was afraid of being judged.  I was afraid to face my past. 

The Bible says in 1 John 4:18,  There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

Even though I was afraid, I put my hope in God.  I trusted Him, that if he brought me to this place, it was in love.  He wasn't bringing me here to hurt me.  He was bringing me here to help me.  He loves me perfectly.  His love calmed my fears and gave me confidence in what he was doing in me even though my emotions felt chaotic at times.  His love helped me to trust that if he brought me to this place it was for a reason.  Its kind of ironic, because I found myself at that place again with writing this blog.  The fear of telling people and what will they think, and the fear of judgments all over again. He drove out that fear and helped me to trust him again in this new work He is doing in and through me.  He is sooo amazing!  Thank you God!  Thank you for your perfect love that drives out fear.

Before I went to Care Net, I felt that no one understood the hurt I felt deep inside from my abortion.  I felt alone in my abortion.  There was also a part of me that had suppressed my feelings and didn't want to deal with them because it was easier than facing the truth.  Through Care Net, I found other women that have been through abortion, who understand and who have compassion.  There are safe places, like Care Net, that you can talk about your abortion, your loss and your grief.  I have made some of the most beautiful friendships through what I call "my healing journey".  Words cannot even describe the bond we share.  God has united our hearts in Him, and it is truly beautiful.   If you've had an abortion, I encourage you to find and commit to doing a Bible study specifically for women that have had an abortion.  I bet that you would be surprised by how much it helps to talk to other women that have been through it and who are seeking God also.  I didn't fully realize just how much I needed it until I went through the study myself. 

Most importantly, God understands how you feel.  He is a God who is familiar with suffering. 
 

Isaiah 53:3 says, He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and familiar with suffering.

 

God has poured out His mercy and compassion on you in Christ Jesus.  With God you are never alone. 

 

Hebrews 13:5 says, ...God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

 

If you've had an abortion, my prayer for you is that God will do a healing work in you.  I pray that you would open that part of your heart to Him. That you would put your trust completely in Him to help you with your past abortion.  That you would pour your heart out to Him and tell him your feelings.  I pray that he would lead you to a safe place that you can talk to other women about your abortion, about your pain, and that you can begin to heal. I pray that He would give you a scripture to encourage you in this journey. In the strong name of Jesus, Amen

 

This is a song that ministered to me during that time.

 

Next time, I will share about some of my experiences in the Bible study at Care Net and how he continued the healing work in me.

  

1. Vollands, Stacey. "It's A New Year: Time to Clean Out that "Junk Drawer."" Faithbridge, Spring Texas. January 2011