Mother to Mother - Heart to Heart

My mom and I have always been as my brother used to say, "Tight."  In fact, he used to tease me when we were little about who was the tightest with our mom.  He used to tell me, "Me and mom are like this" and he would hold up his crossed fingers as a symbol of how tight they were. In return, I would always protest that her and I were the tightest.  She has always been and continues to be my best girlfriend.  Growing up we did practically everything together.  I idolized her and wanted to be just like her.  In my eyes she was the best; the best cook, the best decorator, the best dresser, the most beautiful and the best Mami. Throughout my life I have always adored my mom. Looking back to my childhood, I am amazed at all she was able to juggle.  I really don’t know how she did it all and managed to keep her sanity.  She constantly gave unselfishly of herself for our family. I have always admired her strength, drive, creativity, confidence and her generous servant’s heart. She has a steadfast confidence that has nothing to do with outer appearance, but an inner security in knowing who she is.   She is elegant, smart, fun and full of energy.  She is pretty AWESOME!

Even though we have always been close, I have never been able to talk to her freely about my abortion or what God was doing in my life since I went to Care Net and got involved in post abortion ministry.  She knew about me going to Care Net and becoming a volunteer. She also knew that I participated in a post abortion Bible study; however I had never shared with her the intimate details of how God was speaking to me and working in my life through that study.  For about a year I had been feeling like I wanted to share these things with her.  I am not sure why this was so hard for me.  I think the pattern started in my teens when I first learned I was pregnant and I chose not to tell her about it.  I knew I needed to break that unhealthy pattern and I wanted to restore that area of our relationship. I had been praying and asking the Lord for the right timing and an open opportunity and it was becoming more and more clear to me that the time was at hand.  

So I invited her over and started to open up and share some of the things on my heart with her. Once I did I felt much better and was relieved, but also felt very heavy hearted.  It was a difficult talk, though one I felt was much needed.  Even though it was needed and brought healing in that area of our relationship it also opened up some grief for her.  It was hard for me to see her pain because my intentions were never to hurt her.  I prayed with her and after she went home I cried out to God for His help.  After some time of prayer, I felt Him impress on me to invite her on this abortion recovery retreat that I was already planning to attend on my own.  The next day I asked her to join me on the retreat and she agreed.  This was such a gift and a blessing to me, but also soo like my mom.  She would do anything for me.  We went on the retreat together and it was a very special time. It brought another layer of healing for me being that this was my first time doing anything like this with my mom.  I am so glad that I was able to have this experience with her.  

On the property where the retreat was held there was a sizable sprawling oak tree next to a serene pond.  The last day of the retreat, I spent some time in the morning under the oak seeking the Lord and decided that I wanted to bring my mom there later.  The oak is significant to me from Isaiah 61; “They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor.”  It was the perfect spot, especially because it was planted by the water.  At the end of the retreat just before we were going to leave I invited my mom to come and sit under the oak with me.  While sitting under the shade of the tree, I shared with her further how God had worked and is working in my life to heal me from the guilt, shame and brokenness of my abortion.  I shared with her things the Lord had spoken to me and the scriptures that He has given me along the journey.  I felt totally able to be open and transparent with her.  It was such a beautiful time for the both of us. Our hearts connected as we exchanged thoughts and feelings back and forth.  For that I am grateful to the Lord.  Only He could have done that. Only He heals the brokenhearted.  Only He deserves all the glory and the praise.  I am so thankful that I am now able to talk freely with my mom about these things. That is a testament to the Lord's work in my life.  The Lord is FAITHFUL.  His love has no bounds.  I love you Mom and I love you Jesus-the Living Water.

Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life. John 4:13-14

I hope my story will encourage you or speak to you in some way.  Perhaps there is a needed conversation with someone that you have been putting off. I encourage you to pray and ask Him to guide you to have those tough uncomfortable conversations.  He will go before you and prepare the way.  He will lead you and direct you.  He will never leave you nor forsake you.  Put your trust in Him. Ask him what your next step is.  Where is He leading you?  Will you be obedient?

For more information about the retreat I attended with my mom, it's called Rachel's Vineyard and is put on by New Heart of Texas. This is a link to their website:  https://newheartoftexas.org/