My Night With The Lord - Conclusion

I apologize for keeping you in suspense all this time waiting to hear the conclusion to my first post.   I know my story has been a bit long and each posting has been lengthy.  So to refresh your memory, in my first post I told you that I had a special treat after my night with the Lord, the night where I heard God speaking to me to share my testimony.   I am certain I cannot express in words how beautiful this gift was to me, but I know what it meant to me, and I hope that after hearing my story it will make more sense to you.

That October night last year that eventually led to me writing this blog, I had been up relatively late seeking God.  I finally went to bed around 1am, but I was so excited about my experience with God that I couldn't sleep.  It takes me about another hour to shut down.  So lets just say, I am asleep by 2am.  The next thing I know, I wake up to a crying baby.  It's my ten month old, Nolan.  I look at the clock, it's 6:10am.  I can hear that my daughter is up also.  I hear her rustling in the bed with me.  She's restless, tossing and turning, huffing and puffing.  She usually starts out in her bed and at some point in the middle of the night she awakes and crawls into our bed.  My husband has just left for work and I see that he got her a sippy cup with milk before he left.  I get out of bed slowly trying not to rouse myself too much, trying to keep my mind in that sleep state.  I don't want to get up yet.  I leave all the lights off, make my way to go get Nolan and I bring him back to bed with me. It's about an hour before we usually get up and I only slept roughly 4 hours.  Not good for me.  I am a sleeper and if I don't get my sleep, it ain't pretty!!  I am a woman who needs her sleep, but this morning I begin to see them both awake early as a special gift from God.  Not one of them was up, but both of them.  Normally, I would not be so welcoming of them both being up before sunrise.  My daughter is nestled up close to me on my back side and I have the baby on my front side.  He drinks his milk and it is evident that neither of them are going back to sleep.  Mind you, I am still high from my mountain top experience with God that night.  I think of how awesome it was and how good it feels to have both of my babies snuggled close.  Then Popeye aka Nolan, that's what my daughter nicknamed her baby brother, starts trying to crawl off the bed.  So Princess and I wrestle him trying to keep him in the bed.  It's quite comical and we all have a few laughs.  My alarm clock eventually goes off and we dance and sing in bed to the music.  Since we are bright eyed and bushy tailed by this point we decide lets go outside and watch the sunrise.  Then we came back in, ate breakfast and got ready for the day.  Noelle even had  a little time to watch cartoons before school. It was such a diversion and thrill from our normal mornings.  Believe me, they don't usually look anything like that.  They are normally rush, rush, rush and zero fun.  At one point Noelle even said, "we're having a party in the dark!"  I felt so loved on by my Lord.  It was such a extraordinary time with my babies, to love on them and to feel their love.  It was definitely a gift after the amazing night with God to wake up to that special celebration!  It was the icing on the cake!!! 

A picture I took of Princess and Popeye watching the sun rise that morning.



Waiting at school that morning for drop off to begin. 
And to think...we even got there early that day!  That really was a miracle!!!



Remember that old furniture I told you about in my guest bedroom where I often retreat to pray?  That furniture in there is my childhood furniture.  That day as I reflected on the night before, I thought about how that very bed was the bed I lay in after my abortion.  I thought about how I felt that day after my abortion.  How I wished that I could go to sleep never to awake again.  How at the time, the thought of dyeing seemed so much better than facing reality.  I didn't really even have a decent concept of heaven or hell at the time, but death seemed better than what I was experiencing.  Then I thought about how, here I was at that same bed 18 years later, but in such a contrasted manner.  Now I wasn't lying in the bed in my shame and regret, I was kneeling next to it on my face before the King receiving healing.  I felt his love and grace cover me and give me great joy and hope. It was like returning to my place of defeat and God making everything new.  He was rewriting my story and giving me a new story.  A new hope.  I look forward to the day I come face to face with God in heaven, but it is because I know who He is not because I want to escape the pain of this life.  I look forward to the day where I will meet the daughter I never met in heaven also.  It will be a glorious day!!!

Psalm 126 (NIV)

 When the Lord brought back the captives to Zion,
    we were like those restored to health.
² Our mouths were filled with laughter,
    our tongues with songs of joy.
Then it was said among the nations,
    “The Lord has done great things for them.”
³ The Lord has done great things for us,
    and we are filled with joy.

⁴ Restore our fortunes, Lord,
    like streams in the Negev.
⁵ Those who sow with tears
    will reap with songs of joy.
⁶ Those who go out weeping,
    carrying seed to sow,
will return with songs of joy,
    carrying sheaves with them.

 

Writing this blog has been an extremely liberating experience for me. I sincerely thank everyone that has supported me in this.  Your words of encouragement and prayers have carried me when I felt discouraged or insecure.   Thank you.  I feel a new freedom through this and like I have come full circle.  I have such peace. A peace that I never imagined  I would be able to attain.

 

When I started the process of going to Care Net, I saw women who had so much freedom in spite of their abortions.  I would think to myself, "that could never be me,"  "I could never get to that place of healing" or "I could never do that, I could never tell my story to a group of people."  And here I am. :) I can't help but smile at the goodness of God.  That is me, He has brought me to that place of healing, I can share my story for God's glory and to help others.  It was a mountain that only He could have moved.  I didn't have the strength to move it.  But God does and He did. Hallelujah! Praise be to God!

 

Mark 11:22-25 (NIV)

²² “Have faith in God,” Jesus answered. ²³ “Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them. ²⁴ Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. ²⁵ And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”

 

John 1:16 (ESV) For from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace.