An Aspiring Mom

As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a mom.  Yes, there was a time that I wanted to be a ballerina, then an actress, and eventually I wanted to be a lawyer.  My career choices changed drastically throughout the years, but one thing that never changed was my desire to one day be a mommy.  I don't know if its the way God wired me, or perhaps it was because I had and still have the world's greatest mom and I wanted to be just like her. I knew in my heart that was my greatest life's calling. 

Here's a picture of my mom and I on my 30th birthday.  She wanted to reminisce about holding her baby.  Hence, me sitting in her lap!

 

As a little girl, I was the girl who would take my babies with me wherever I went.  Everywhere we went I had my baby doll and their diaper bag in tote.  I remember going to the grocery store and people making comments about thinking I was holding a real baby; and I would beam with pride!  I don't remember whether it was for Christmas or my birthday, but one time I got a doll that talked when you squeezed her.  I hugged her and I was sooo excited by her response!  I ran to tell my mom, "Mami, my baby called me Ma-ma!"  I was beside myself because my baby called me mama.  The doll said it the way a little baby who is learning to talk would say it.  I was so delighted to be called mama and I wanted to share it with my mom. 

Me at 4, rocking my baby dolls.

It seems like I went from playing with baby dolls to being interested in boys.  It kind of happened, what feels like overnight.  I went through puberty roughly about 12 years old.  I was very well developed for a 12 year old.  Much to my dismay now, my 12 year old boobs were more voluptuous  than my grown up boobs.  It's really quite depressing. :(  Seriously, after breastfeeding two kids my "girls" now look more like I breast fed a whole village of children.  Sorry....... I had to vent.  Back on track, I looked older and people always thought I was older because I seemed mature for my age.    I ended up losing my virginity at the tender age of 12. 

 

Me at 12

Prior to that, my parents never talked to me about sex, but there seemed to be an unspoken rule that it was forbidden.  My brother on the other hand was encouraged by my father to have sex.  Like some how it made him more of a man.  There was a part of me that despised that.   A boy I knew asked me to sneak out one night and come over.  In my mind we were going to hang out and talk.  Obviously, I was a bit naïve. He was 16 and he had a totally different agenda, as you can imagine.  Something happened before that night that I believe paved the way to me giving him a gift that was supposed to be reserved for only my husband. We started dating after that and dated off and on for the next 5 years.  Looking back, I believe I was looking for love.  My father was an alcoholic and I always felt that I had to compete with alcohol for his love.  I knew he loved me, but as a child I never truly felt loved by him because of his addiction.

 

My mother did eventually try to talk to me about sex, but by the time she did it was too late. I was already having sex, so it didn't mean much to me.  She told me how my body was the temple of the Holy Spirit.  I was not raised in a Christian home so I had no idea what that meant and it seemed foolish to me.  My mother became a Christian listening to Christian radio (by divine appointment) in my teens.  She listened to Christian radio for years before she ever stepped foot in a church. It is extremely difficult to grow in your walk with Christ if you are not plugged into a church body of believers. The church should help you to grow in your walk with Christ, challenge and encourage you to pursue Christ more intimately, and help teach you how to apply scripture to your life.  Don't get me wrong, she was learning from some of the greats in the faith, people like Dr. James Dobson, Chuck Swindoll, and Tony Evans to name a few.  But, you will only grow so much if you are trying to grow alone.  God made us to have fellowship with other believers.  Maybe had she plugged into a church her salvation would have impacted our family more.  However, it was probably her who prayed me into God's kingdom.

1 Corinthians 6:18-20 says, Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. ¹⁹ Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; ²⁰ you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

Hind sight, what my mother told me wasn't foolish at all.  It didn't make sense to me at the time though because I didn't honor God.  I was not yet surrender to Him.  I knew of Him, but I didn't know Him personally.  That part came later for me.

If you have children,  I encourage you to talk to your kids about sex.  Talk to them about it before you think they are ready.  Teach your sons to love God and respect women.  After all, the girl they want to get with is someone else's daughter.  I wish my parents had taught my brother and I the value of keeping ourselves pure for our spouses.  Its not just girls that need to stay pure but sons also.  What kind of message are you sending your kids if only girls are supposed to be kept pure?  We all should be pure before God and our future spouse.  God created sex to be within the boundaries of marriage.  Within marriage sex is very good and pleasing in Gods sight.  Sex outside of marriage is destructive to yourself and others, and is sinful before God.  Teach your children that their virtue is a gift for their spouses to be protected and treasured.

 

I know I have several audiences here, so I'm going to talk to the single people for a minute.  If you've had premarital sex, God can restore you to a place of purity.  It's not too late for you.  All you have to do is confess your sin to God and ask him to restore your purity.  You will also need to avoid tempting situations so you don't fall back into that sin.  Lastly, pray continually that God would help you to remain pure.  I would also encourage you to pray for your future spouse.  I had to do this in my own life.  My now husband and I were not living our lives for God when we first got together.  We both became Christians and God convicted us of our sin.  For us that meant we could not be alone.  We fell into temptation several times before we had to set up that boundary. Choosing to stop having sex till we got married was a bit scary to be totally honest.  I was kind of afraid that our relationship would fall apart, but you know what, it only got stronger.  We exchanged purity rings and remained sexually chaste for about three and a half years.  I am so glad that we made that choice.  It was a true test of our love for each other and it honored God. 

 

Our promise rings:  they read, "TRUE LOVE WAITS."

 

To be continued................................................................................................